Where Do The Yankees Get All That Cash

DH: Jason Giambi 2005 Salary: $13,428,571

1B: Tino Martinez 2005 Salary: $2,750,000

2B: Tony Womack 2005 Salary: $2,000,000

SS: Derek Jeter 2005 Salary: $19,600,000

3B: Alex Rodriguez 2005 Salary: $25,700,000

LF: Gary Sheffield 2005 Salary: $11,701,090

CF: Bernie Williams 2005 Salary: $12,357,143

RF: Hideki Matsui 2005 Salary: $8,000,000

C: Jorge Posada 2005 Salary: $11,000,000

SP: Mussina/Johnson/Brown/Pavano/Wright 2005 Salary: $66,714,286

Closer: Mariano Rivera 2005 Salary: $10,500,00

This is absurd!! How can one team justify having this many bloated salaries?! Are ya with me?

"The Apprentice"

Well...watched my show last night...ol' John got the heave-ho...he was "The Negotiator" for the celebrities...and, according to the Donald...did a horrible job. That's the price you pay when there's 1st place and 2nd place, right? Somebody wins, somebody loses.

AND NOW...DONALD TRUMP'S SECRETARY ROBIN LISTS THE TOP TEN WAYS TO ANNOUNCE TO THE LOSING TEAM THAT MR. TRUMP IS READY TO SEE THEM:

10. "They're ready for you"
9. "They're ready for you now"
8. "Mr. Trump is ready to see you now"
7. "It's time to go into the boardroom now"
6. "They're ready for you in the boardroom now"
5. "They're expecting you in the boardroom now"
4. "Time to go see Mr. Trump"
3. "They're ready to see you now"
2. "Mr. Trump is expecting you"

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO ANNOUNCE TO THE LOSING TEAM THAT MR. TRUMP IS READY TO SEE THEM NOW:

1. "Time to go get fired...tee hee"

Steroids didn't help me...nah!!

And now, Barry Bonds' press conference on the accusations of steroid use:

"For the last time, I didn't know what my trainer was giving me!"
"He said it was a kind of balm...or lotion...I forgot what he told me..."
"I don't know how my size doubled but I know that steroids had NOTHING to do with it!"
"Alright, that's it! All you mother f***ers can get out of my training room right now! It's time for my...balm..."

This...isn't...happening...

Denise...Charlie...WHAT HAPPENED?! You two were the epitome' of a happy marriage! Had a kid, another on the way...and then this happens. From what I can tell Denise instigated the whole thing, citing "irreconcilable differences"...which means either Charlie cheated on her...which I cannot believe would even happen because geez...look at her!...or it means he really pissed her off with something. Speaking as a married man I know I get the 3rd degree when I leave a Little Debbie wrapper in the living room...and my wife just stares at me...wondering why I would just blatantly leave it there. Now I hope she wouldn't fly off the handle and call up her lawyer over it but it really does annoy her. Now I could just as easily throw them away when I'm done with my snack...however...I AM a guy...and one of the guy rules is letting something boil over to the point that irreversible damage is done...(sigh)...eh, what are ya gonna do? I hope that Denise and Charlie can stay cordial to each other for the children's sake. So sad when kids get caught in their parent's problems because a very small part of them thinks it's their fault.

The Kids Don't Have To Die!!

Today is the day! If you were sentenced to Death Row for a crime you commited while under the age of eighteen you are no longer on Death Row!! Isn't that great news? Actually...no...it isn't...this is a classic example of not giving teenagers enough credit for what they do. Do the crime, do the time. I think if a kid is going to murder someone they should have to carry around a picture of their victim for the rest of their life. If they are released on parole and they are found without it their parole should be revoked immediately and tossed back into prison for life. Seriously.