1. My grandfather dying in 1997.
Now everyone dies, this is no big surprise. But for him it was the first time a family member had passed away. Plus it was right away so no one got to say good-bye. He had smoked pretty much his whole life and it finally caught up to him when he just stopped breathing. I know Emmy and Zach would have just loved him. I knew from a long time ago that cigarettes were a long road to nowhere, but there are family members that smoke, knowing this is the path they are following, but they don't care. Isn't it funny how smokers care more about when they get to smoke next then saving their own life?
2. Emmy isn't enjoying first grade as much as I'd like her to.
Lately I have had to drop her off crying which man, if you've never done that before, is NOT easy. She had a great kindergarten but as we all know, things change and there's not really that much choice but to roll with it. I asked her what was wrong and she said "I just miss you is all" and hugs me. I'm really hoping she will start to enjoy her day a little more and not feel so sad in the next few days. But I totally get it. There was one time when Mom was late picking me up from 1st grade and I was standing there just crying my eyes out because I felt so alone. I tease her about it every now and then by making it seem like it was a constant neglect ha ha. But for that one afternoon it was a hard life. This same mom is watching them this weekend and I told Emmy this morning "The next time you feel sad, just think about this weekend and how much fun you're going to have" and it seemed to work a little. We're planning a Friday night "Ranger party" since the game comes on at 9pm.
3. My department is closing this week.
If I really felt content working here, I might feel sad about leaving. But I don't. For the last two years and 73 days I have performed my duties that other companies would pay a lot more for. I kept asking myself why I stayed as long as I did. To be honest, it isn't a hard job. At least to me. It took me a while but I finally realize my earning potential and this place doesn't even come close to meeting my expectations. But I enjoyed the people I work with and maybe that had something to do with it. But man, if I get this other job, it's an automatic 30% raise, which hopefully means new car.
On Friday I will post about the happiest things in my life. What gets my blood flowing...what do I look forward to...what am I looking forward to...things like that. Life isn't supposed to be one big depress-a-thon right? And I'm not depressed at all. But there are some things I would love to change...and knowing it just isn't possible is hard for us to accept.
Since I hardly ever put a picture of ME on here, here is one of me at a karaoke bar we went to for Cari's birthday. Someone handed me a tambourine and off I went! Even though I'm grinning like an idiot, I still had a lot of fun that night.
What makes you sad? Have you tapped into that part of yourself that you thought you had tucked away? Do yourself a favour and release it. Even if you cry a little, or a lot, you're doing yourself a world of good.
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