Blogs from Around The World

As you can tell from my archives, I haven't been doing this long. However, I would like to think that my pet blog has some redeeming value. Over the course of the last five months I have seen blogs from China, the Philipines, Japan, Ireland, and of course the occasional Canadian entry. One country that has been excluded isn't even a country...it's a continent! Talkin' 'bout Antarctica. I have heard that people live there...how come no one's bloggin'? When the sun sets, it gives off a green light...click here to see what I mean. If you come from someplace other then America, prove it by leaving a comment. Would love to know where in the world you are!

A Fun Weekend

It's done...that stupid treehouse that no one could play in because of all the nails and staples sticking out of it...was torn down Sunday. With a little help from ye olde dad-in-law, we pushed it over, ripped it apart, bundled the scraps and hauled them out to the curb. What was thought to take only an hour turned into over two and a half hours! The sad thing is, I don't think anyone ever took a picture of it while it was standing. Now all that remains is a square plot of dirt...kind of looks like a grave. You know what else is weird? We found some old kid's toys buried underneath it. And THAT made me wonder if the parents took the kids by surprise and built that monstrosity on top of them! However, I could not imagine anyone doing that so I quickly cleared that scenario from my senses. Now the question is...what to do with that space? Wait and see...wait and see...

Our Third Anniversary Celebration!!!

The missus and I decided to go where all old married couples go...down to Shreveport, LA for a weekend of loose slots, virgin strawberry daquiris, and enough second-hand smoke to fill...well...a casino! At various times we were up some...then we were down some...and then we kind of stayed there...(sigh). $100 down the proverbial drain. Ah well. We would have spent that on something else anyway...this little thought helps us sleep at night. We had a blast though. I don't know what the traditional gift is for the third but I'm pretty sure it ain't green felt. This is my comp card from Boomtown. I earned enough points for a free gift! Shocking to me, the gift was as useful as a barium enema WITHOUT the pleasing cherry taste. If you think you know what it was...leave a comment!


Never ever bet a dime of your hard-earned money at this place! It will suck it up like a Hoover! Nobody wins anything here! The only reason we went here in the first place was so we could get a "free" buffet if we gambled for an hour. You know that free buffet cost us like $75? By the time we got around to eating it was almost 10pm and we were so tired. There we were force-feeding steak and chicken that was who knows how old it was...ah well...we're still alive.

Meanwhile, at the Pixar company picnic...

Woody: "You know, when I was a boy, we didn't have all these fancy cartoons like we do now...we had shows like "Benji" and "Lassie" and by gar we liked them!"
Buzz: "Tell me about it! Now we have silly things like "Little Bill" and "Yu-Gi-Oh"!
Sully: "Does anyone remember the Smurfs? They had such a great color to them."
Woody: "Smurfs?! I hated those things!"
Buzz: "Me too! How could you like something so ridiculous?!"
Sully: (G-R-O-W-W-W-W-L)


Woody and Buzz: "Okay! We admit it! The Smurfs are the greatest cartoon characters ever!! Please put us down!!"
Sully: "Ha ha ha...well, since ya said please..."

THEY'RE B-A-A-A-A-CK!!!!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the convienence store...or in my case...Academy Sports 'N' Outdoors...the greatest thing to come out of the 80's (if you don't count Scritti Politti)...is back!! All new characters, gimmicks, collectible stickers...and it's all been updated for the 21st century! Isn't that great!? Or at least...mildly interesting? No? Not really? Okay, fine...to be honest it was at the front register and therefore can be considered an "impulse buy" so THERE!!!


You know, part of what made these things neat in the 80's is that there was a hint of imagination involved...now they're what I believe is called "grasping at straws"

So basically what happened is Kim ate all the cookies BEFORE knocking on the door and then when the man opened the door she "tossed her cookies" on his porch? You'll never sell any cookies doing THAT! Can you fire a Girl Scout? Is that possible?

Maybe I'm being too critical of his parents, I don't know, but giving their child a can of beans and letting him play by himself in the ocean is just asking for trouble.


See, now the problem I have with this one is...judging from the cracked arm and skull I can tell he's tried this before. Although it IS impresive to create a bungee cord from your own mucous, it should never be used for actual bungee jumping. Ever.


This one is...I don't know...pretty much straight-away explained in the picture...now the kid isn't doing anything gross per se`...but the fact that she's being used as bait is pretty disturbing.


Now THIS is going back to old school! So nasty...and yet so inspired. Aww, even the bird is upchucking! How adorable! How could ya not right? The only problem I have is in the name...how do we know he has a peg leg? Ooh, a thinker for ya!


All aboard!!! HA HA HA!!! I don't know about you, but I think they captured his likeness perfectly! Didn't Ozzy bite the heads off bats? I guess they had him eating the bat that way so they could say he "bit the bat's butt"? I believe that is an example of alliteration!!


This guy is a freak! When they said childhood obesity was up, I had no idea it was THAT much! I see a piano, a school bus, a toilet, a fire hydrant, and a bicycle among other things trapped in Austen's F-L-A-B...truly awful visual we have here.


Logan, what can I say? The very idea of dumping into a toilet and measuring how much has been "downloaded" has appealed to all of us at one time I'm sure. Glad to see humor has been introduced to the 21st century.


Get it? Bailey button? Belly button? Just thought I'd clear that up for you. This picture was taken right before CPS (child protective services) showed up I bet.


I think the look on Mark's face sums up the amount of pain he's going through leaving a skid mark that size and length. Also, what kind of crummy water park only has one slide anyway?


See, now this I don't get. The only thing I can think of is that his water guns are filled with his own urine. Readers, any guesses?


I don't have to tell you how dangerous it is to let your child crawl into an occupied turtle shell while picking their nose. Do I? Unless...the turtle tried to eat him and is now trying to pass him through his system...a real headscratcher, ain't it?


Geez...that is just a foul thing to look at. By the look on her face she seems to know exactly why she was voted off the island. Apparently in Garbage Pail Land, no one's ever heard of a Kleenex!!


Yes, he is careless...and he also has the bad fortune to trip and fall right in that dog's puddle! I mean...what are the odds? This kid needs a trip to CareNow or something.


Good golly...how many Big Gulps did this kid drink!? He even looks a little scared to be trapped in a car full of his own urine. Here's a nickel's worth of free advice Russ: Close Your Mouth!


Do we even need to explore why this is so bad? Nah.


See, this one doesn't show any imagination at all! Just some kid eating crap? What kid doesn't? And there's no rhyme or reason to what he's eating! Eyeballs...snails...I think I see someone's false teeth in there...? I think this was the last one created...hopefully.


This one stumped me. Who's the actual Garbage Pail Kid, the baby or the bird!? Does that look like a stork to anyone? Didn't think so. They should put this one on the front of a "Jenny Craig" center...would do the trick for anyone!!

More Than Meets The Handmade Shelves

Guy: "So what do you think of my room?"
His date: "Um...not quite what I expected from a 40-year old man...although the fact that you still live with your parents should have been a major clue..."
Guy: "Who do you want to be...Optimus Prime...or Megatron?"
Date: "Why don't we do something more...adult."
Guy: "I hear ya loud and clear! Lemme put Omega Supreme together!!"
Date: "You know what? I just remembered I have to...re-lace all my tennis shoes! I gotta go! Call me sometime!"
Guy: "But, you didn't give me your number."
Date: "Okay then! Ba-bye!
(door slams)
Guy: (sigh) "Girl leave...me sad..."
(picks up Transformer)
Guy: "Me happy again!!"

Well, Yahoo.com confirmed what some of us were hoping for...a real-live Transformers motion picture! Dreamworks has even gotten involved with the production so hopefully their high standards will guarantee something truly awe-inspiring.

The Magical Mystery Tour Is Waiting To Take You Away

Did anyone buy the box set that the Beatles released last Christmas? I was lucky enough to have Santa put one under the tree. No other band gets as much publicity 35 years after they broke up and everyone knows why: No one is or ever will be better then the moptops from Liverpool who took the world of rock and roll and made it their own.

Interesting trivia fact number one: Only John and George were known by their first names. Paul's first name is James and Ringo's first name is Richard.


Interesting trivia fact number two: No member of the Beatles has died from natural causes.


Interesting trivia fact number three: John Lennon is the only Beatle not to make a cameo appearance on "The Simpsons". The reason? He died nine years before they were created.


Interesting trivia fact number four: The Beatles released 12 albums in 10 years (16 altogether if you count the red and blue double album compilations). By comparison, from 1978 to the present (27 years), Van Halen released 10 albums (15 if you count the live and "best of" albums).

Who said dreams don't mean anything?

Who says dreams have to mean anything? Who says they don't? Last night I had a horrible dream that I was at some kind of party and I had a drink. I was driving my mobile home...home...now I know I don't own a mobile home but in dreams you don't question why you have something or why you are in someone else's house. So anyway I'm driving this big monstrosity home and it's raining and I go skidding down this road and plow right into a car! Now I'm scared because I had a drink earlier and knew there was trouble if the police knew. When the ambulance showed up they stood around a lot but didn't seem to do anything. Then...just as the police showed up I woke up!

Now here's the trick: I woke up just so relieved it wasn't real and turned on WGN (the poor man's SuperStation) and Happy Days was on. But this was no ordinary Happy Days. This one was about Flip (Billy Warlock) who had taken up drinking beer against his big brother Roger's (Ted McGinley) wishes. Flash forward to Heather (Heather O'Rourke) getting hit by a "yellow car" which was being driven by Flip's drunken friends! Now of all the "Happy Days" episodes they made...which was about 1,250 I think...what are the odds they would show THAT one at THAT time on THIS day? Hmm? Weird...wild...stuff.

Hey Kids...What Time Is It?

It ain't Howdy Doody Time, that's for sure! This is from Emily and I's trip to the Fort Worth Botanical Gardens! She kind of gets lost in the big bloomin' clock but she's right in front.

Emily: "You see Emma, when we cross the street, we always hold hands with an adult so that we make it across safely! Allow me to demonstrate with this statue of a frog which...in the right light...kind of looks like Dad...a lot!! Wow! I never saw such a striking resemblance before!"

Emily: "Daddy..."
Me: "Yes?"
Emily: "Where are the flower gardens?"
Me: "Why, they're right behind you silly!"
Emily: "Oh no...I ain't fallin' for that yo...I turn around and the next thing I know I have a wedgie the size of Nebraska."
Me: "But sweetheart, it really is right behind-"
Emily: "You tryin' to play me pops?"
Me: "Alright, just forget the whole thing!"

Would a good father dress his daughter like this?

The answer is a resounding "Heck no!!" If you ever wondered what a 3-year old girl would wear if she was given the freedom to pick out her own clothes, here it is! From the turquoise hat to the purple striped pants to the red shirt, Emily has given us a glimpse into the future of what she'll want to wear in public.

Roller Coaster Tycoon

There is an underground following for this game. Literally thousands of web pages have been devoted to everything from sharing parks and rides to how to design the ultimate supercoaster. While I admit there are people who know how to make incredible parks, the ones I have made are impressive as well. The following are screen captures from my latest design. I believe there is a 3,500 guest capacity although currently I am at 2,300.

This first picture above is from the ice island which features three coasters, two ferris wheels and an observation tower.


Here is where I have created a Japanese gardens kind of island with a go-kart track and two roller coasters that run right by each other to increase the excitement level.


In this picture I designed a kind of rustic forest island with a mini-car coaster, a log ride, water rapids, and in the corner you can see my waterfall garden...or as close as I could get to creating it.


Here is the entry point to the three coasters you're about to see in the next frame. Because the lines and entrances are all underground, that gave me some space to create a rustic suburban setting with houses, office buildings, and the occasional pine tree.


This is my masterpiece...3 wooden coasters running side by side for the same increased excitement we discussed earlier. The trick is to make these exciting without exceeding your intensity limit. Otherwise, people will not want to ride them. I included some splashes of color merely for show.


In this picture I designed a kind of rustic forest island with a mini-car coaster, a log ride, water rapids, and in the corner you can see my waterfall garden...or as close as I could get to creating it.