I've mentioned my cousin Josh on here from time to time...mostly to wonder why this great distance arose between us for the last 6 or 7 years. I always thought it was something I may have said. For all this time I wondered if it was me. But it wasn't. It was all him. Josh took his own life Thursday night and now everything is going to be different. All I can seem to think is, he can't frustrate me anymore with his cryptic responses to my invitations.
What I had hoped would be a nice picture of us resulted in this. (Sigh)
Christmas Eve I asked him if he wanted to go see a movie and he said "It's just too normal for me to do that." How do you respond to that without saying "What's wrong with you?" I almost said it. But I bit my tongue and let him be him.
He loved this song. If you bought the soundtrack to "Angus" back in 1995 it was the last song on it. I never thought much of it until he made a point of mentioning how direct the lyrics were. So I re-listened to it and it sounds like how he lived he last few years of his life. Depressed...rejected...feeling like being alive is just not an option. I had a dream a long time ago that we were hanging out and this song came on the radio and we were listening to it and he said, "I can make songs like this!" and I concurred. He even had a band called the Calicoes. Granted, their songs weren't Grammy-worthy, but they worked on them with everything they had. I went to some of their gigs, mostly to help lug around guitars and amps. I guess I was a roadie lol. Those were some of the most fun times I had in my younger days.
Anyone who knows me knows I usually talk a lot and try to be funny when I can. Hey, when you have the gift, you run with it. Josh had a motto: Talk Less, Do More. Maybe it's time I tried it. He always said he'd find a way to quiet me up.
Mission accomplished...
RIP Josh. We will never ever ever forget you and will talk about you until we can't speak anymore. You left behind a legacy of generosity and compassion that will always be the bar by which we live our lives. I'm thankful I saw you at the Art In The Park show last Saturday and got to see you and hug you one last time before you left us. I know God understands why you did this. Even if we don't...God does.
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